Thursday, 6 July 2017

Stampede “Prosti-tots”: Adult Perception Skews Their Intent

If this very strange term is new to you, here is a quick definition, “a prepubescent girl (generally 10-14 years of age) who emulates the overtly sexual fashions and attitudes of twenty-something women such as pop stars” (Urban Dictionary).  And I think it is safe to say that during Stampede week, we have all seen a young girl who has fit this description.  It has made many a man uncomfortable and more than a few women glare in disgust.  I mean how could parents ever let their daughters go to Stampede dressed so provocatively?

Well, this is my story about how that happens.  When I was in Jr. High, my best friend and I were given permission to go to stampede together, without adult supervision.  We were so excited, and had our outfits picked out weeks ahead of schedule.  We planned every matching detail, from the hat, to the braided hair, “shirt” and shoes.  Now I put “shirt” in quotations because the year prior there was a fad that was starting to take hold.  And that fad was bandanas for shirts.  Yes, you read that correctly, we had decided that we were going to look so cool wearing bandanas for shirts, jeans and cowboy boots. It was perfect for a number of reasons.  We would be at the height of fashion, we already owned bandanas and the most important to us, was that we would be comfortable in the heat that always accompanies the grounds (plus 35 Celsius most days). 

So here we were, the morning of Stampede getting dressed at our parents houses in our little make shift tops without a care in the world, then off we went to the exhibition.  To be fair to our parents, I am fairly sure we wore hoodies while leaving the house because it is chilly in the morning so they were none the wiser to our attire.  I can also tell you that I know I was not developed in the breast area, and I cannot for the life of me remember if my best friend was or not.  We genuinely felt amazing in our trendy “shirts” and we strutted all day long with Calgarian young girl pride.  I remember a glance or two that felt a little weird, however, we were both incredibly innocent and appropriately naïve so we figured they were just jealous which is a natural pre-teen reaction.

We dressed trendy to be cool and comfortable.  We even brought sunblock and re-applied every 3 hours to ensure that our delicate skin was protected.  There was NOTHING sexual in our minds when we chose our outfits.  And that is the honest truth.  And yet, looking back, we were the very definition of prosti-tots.  We were those girls who I can only assume were making those around us uncomfortable.  And the thing is, if we had locked eyes with any man getting excited or blushing, we would have laughed in his face and walked away. 

I am aware that today’s young girls are exposed to a much wider range of social media and fashion trends that I was not.  I after all was in Jr High quite a few years prior to the social media or smart phone age.  So, my only exposure to anything socially relevant was the occasional copy of 17 magazine or Cosmo.  In fact, as I mentioned we (my best friend and I) saw a lady the year before wearing a bandana, thought to ourselves that she looked so cool, that we waited a whole year to emulate her.  It was a form of flattery if nothing else.  And we thought we were cool enough to wear clothing that made us look trendy and feel great.  If we were mature enough to go to the grounds alone, we were “adult” enough to wear what we wanted.  We never once thought that we were “slutting” it up to go pick up guys or get attention.

Now for the take away, I believe in a sex positive society.  I also believe that children and youth should never be sexualized or viewed with adult eyes or their biases.  I was a young girl, and I made a completely innocent fashion choice because I yearned to be cool and trendy.  I can tell you that if anyone had scolded or scoffed in my face that day nearly 20 years ago I would have been mortified, and then rapidly defiant!  I was innocent of the sexual perversions of adults and I am grateful that I grew up in an environment where I was safe to make these mistakes.  I cannot speak for the youth of today, but perhaps take a moment before you glare at a young girl/boy for exposing more than you yourself are comfortable with and just look away rather than parent them.  Let children be children.  And remember that we all made mistakes when we were young.  Stop calling these youth “prosti-tots” or any of the other sexualized terms of the day.  And take those first steps to acknowledging that you have a biased mindset as a sexual adult, and that skewed perspective can do much more harm than good when projected towards a young child.

Thursday, 29 June 2017

Swing Club Ice Breakers: The Censor Bar Costumes!

That nervous excitement of wearing what you dare, and we do dare, to bare it all… almost.  The costume idea came to me months ago.  Could we really show up to a swingers party wearing nothing but censor bars covering our bits?  A combination of loving to dress up, understanding the amazing power of the costume ice breaker and being comfortable naked created the perfect trilogy of traits to bring this, over a few beers, costume to life.

As I mentioned in my last post, I was feeling a devilish excitement with regards to this risqué costume, and as we went into full arts and crafts mode to bring the idea to life, there were flashes of nerves popping up here and there, but overall we were excited.  We kept asking each other as we created each piece, “are you ok with this there?” and “will this be easy enough to take off?”.  Courtesy checks and dismissing of previous comfort levels abounded as we cut out cardboard and test fit string, there was no room for our normal comfort zones with these strategically placed bars.  And then came the sexiness test, which is one of the most fun aspects of arts and crafts time.  Does the costume actually get the blood pumping?  A few glorious yesses later and we were ready to depart.

The swing party house that we attend is set in such a way that you can really make an entrance.  Once you put down your coat and such, you go down a staircase that feels almost like a grand ballroom foyer, where by the majority of the guests stand to the right mingling, and facing the staircase.  Being in that space is the perfect people watching location, and with drink in hand, you can meet, mingle, and see all the new faces make their couples nervous entrance.  And that is just what we did, wearing nothing but our bars, we took a deep breath and started down the stairs, in the daylight (The joys of it being light out at 9PM)!

The first few steps were tough, but before we were even halfway down, the excited and very interested exclamations of the group below started to reach our ears.  And all nervousness was replaced by beaming pride.  We did it, we were brave, we bared it all, and the guests loved it!  This costume was the perfect combination of sexy, and ice breaker.  All the guests wanted to know the mystery behind how E kept his bar on (any guesses?).  And many people were delighted to find that my “bra” could be flipped up for easy access.  Meeting new friends, and socializing is such a breeze when your costumes make all the introductions for you.  “Hi, we are K and E, and we are exhibitionists who are confident, fun and sexy!”  And you know, after that party, any trace of fake it until you make it, that I may have had is gone.

We took the irony of censoring nudity at a swingers party and created a costume that encouraged the rapid dropping of clothes and a very hot, half nude dance party.  Which got the blood pumping for almost all the couples to sneak away for their sought after fun quite early on  Your flaws just don’t seem to matter at that point.  You forget everything at the door, all societal norms those nagging restrictions and you can just be who you are in all your sexy, raw glory.  For being relatively new to the lifestyle, I have no feelings of being an outsider or have hesitations as to what is permissible, we are just having fun, living in the moment, free.  So, thank you to the ladies that let it all hang out at the previous parties.  You gave me the complete confidence to push the envelope myself.  It was amazing, I love it, and I am not sure I can ever go back.  I am no longer censored.

Thursday, 22 June 2017

Body Image and Swing Clubs

In 2013, I wrote a little post called Comfortable Naked, and in it, I described how I am quite comfortable with my naked body and am very happy to strip in front of a camera.  Showing off is quite an exhilarating experience for me, and once those clothes are off, shyness is pretty much gone.  Now this is true in my home.  I will walk around topless, bottomless, whatever I feel at the moment without much hesitation other than to cover up the second I get chilly.  Now for a moment of hard truth, I am nervous and a little shy when I leave my house in sexy attire to go to the swing club.  And the reasons are due to a silly little myth that I was told as a teenager to keep my sexual attire in check.  I was told to never show off more than one sexy body part, or you would be labeled as a slut.  You can go out showing cleavage, booty, or a little midriff but never more than one at a time or you are looking for trouble. 

This little statement has dictated my attire my entire adult life, especially when I go out for a night on the town.  And let me tell you, breaking away from this to attend a swing club is damn right difficult!  I love the way my breasts look in a bra, despite how badly it hurts my back.  So when I go out, I want my boobs to look their absolute best.  And I know my butt is tiny, so I divert attention to my cleavage and my fairly flat tummy whenever possible.  These are intentional actions that have ruled my clothing purchases for over a decade.  But the dress code is turned upside down at a swingers club.  It is a whole different set of rules or rather lack there of.  It is a place of freedom, not myths and restrictions.  And this is where the opportunity to break yet another stigma comes into play.

The ladies I have seen at the swing club usually amaze me.  Woman ranging in age from early 20’s to late 50’s, and every shape and size have embraced their sexual freedom.  There has yet to be an outfit that I have cringed at.  Each woman dresses her sexiest and owns the look.  I admire these woman and look fondly at each for the expression of their courage and freedom.  And don’t misunderstand, I am dressed just as sexy and fully embrace the themes of the night, but often I feel like I am just faking it till I make it.  Well, until the clothes start coming off towards the middle of the night.  That I can own better than most.  Truth be told, the confidence these woman around me exude is contagious.  It’s not like you feel a competition to one up, more you want to feel that same freedom the woman around you do.  You want to strut and prance and wiggle your ass, let yourself be free. 

At the next party that we are attending, we are throwing caution to the wind, with a little theme called “Wear what you dare”.  It will be our most risqué outfits to date and I must say, I am growing devilishly excited about it.  No nervousness, just shear delight that I will be among the brave, sexy woman that I am growing to admire.  I will probably feel those butterflies just before we leave the house, and giggle a bit on the drive out there.  But I know, once I walk through that door and take off my coat, a sexual freedom will over take me.  Embrace the fear! Be bold, sexy, and free.  And perhaps I will even show off the costume in a future post!