Wednesday, 17 August 2011

Liars or Cheaters?

I have felt complete blind rage a few times in my life.  Each instance resulted from deception or outright being lied to.  Just thinking about the few moments that this happened I can feel my blood pressure rise.  To me there is no worse feeling that having someone respect you so little that they would lie to your face.  As well it raises so many unanswerable questions, why are they lying? For how long have they been lying?  What else is really going on? And so on and so forth.

So that being said, I dislike being lied to, obviously.  I have a hard time giving anything but a direct and honest answer as a I result.  I have adapted a defense mechanism to keep me from being too direct and honest, and that is I do not open up to a lot of people. But that is just me.

Now onto point number two, the cheaters.  No one likes a cheater and the emotion felt when I felt cheated on is heartbreaking.  Now to play devils advocate.  It is interesting that there are men out there who claim that if they are honest about their promiscuity then they are not really cheating.  Which if you go by the letter of the law, is actually correct.  Cheating is an act of deception, and if there is honesty, then poof, no cheating.  So then where does this leave us?  Well it leaves us in a vernacular nightmare. 

Deception is a swift killer of all relationships.  So how do we define acts of sex outside of our partners in a way that isn't 100% negative?  Oddly the English language offers nothing to that point.  We have a very black and white definition of our societal roles in a committed relationship and personally it is difficult to break through this when the language itself binds us.  Open relationships are one way of bringing about communicating the wants and needs of people outside the sphere of cheating on your significant other.  But let us be honest, not many of us have much experience with being open.

So what is a person to do?  Start with honesty, it's the first step to continue our sexual evolution.

2 comments:

  1. But what if you are lying to protect the other person's feelings? I've cheated, but rather than come out with it, simply broke up with the person or let things just... peter out. Is it still cheating?

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    1. Dear anonymous, I tried to answer this in the confined amount of space but sadly I found I just had too much to say. So please accept http://k-ghislaine.blogspot.ca/2012/08/liars-or-cheaters-reply.html as my full reply and response.

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