Thursday, 25 August 2011

My Dreams... Underlying Non Monogamy Fears

I am a very vivid dreamer.  I have been as long as I can remember, and I can usually pick a topic or a theme and fall asleep to those images.  My personal version of meditation, as my mind wanders from that point to whatever result I wake up remembering.  Unfortunately last night my dreams decided to explore the fears I have about not living in monogamy.

So I decided that perhaps I was not alone in these fears and maybe other readers have questions and are dealing with similar things.  Or that maybe they were living in monogamy and had a partner with infidelities that they are trying to work through.  Of course I have already mentioned in a previous blog about physical safety to prevent against STD's and STI's.  But there is the emotional and the human level too, especially for women.

One fear that I have, is running into a female that my partner has recently slept with.  This is a huge one for me and there are so many scenarios that can play out with this especially if the female has developed feelings.  To me this scares me the most because two females under stress can erupt into a volatile situation pretty darn quickly.  Open communication with a partner is so invaluable in this situation.  Personally I ask for the first name of any female he has slept with.  This builds huge trust as well as gives me at least a bit of second should this ever occur.  As well he explains the situation to the female as best he can to help with the female developing feelings.  Still dreams of the bitch fight and slap fest that occurred last night are enough to give my psyche a little jolt.

If a partner is not open and lies when sleeping with someone else, well, the likely hood of unnecessary drama is far too high in my books.  There is almost a comfort in knowing that the man I am with is going to be a man, do what men do, but be honest and safe with me.  Also that him being a man and sleeping with the occasional woman does not mean that he cares any less for me or that we are over.

A man, confident in who he is, is more sexy than a man who has been emasculated by a female or societal norms.  This is an argument that I have made more times than not over the past year, and I am sure will continue to have in my path.  A man reduced to lying, and losing his family over more than just the indiscretion, but now the mistrust and pain he caused by keeping it a secret and not just maning up?  A woman will always find out, we are very very good at that.  Give many of us a day or two to process and we can be quite reasonable too.  Back us into a corner and let our emotions come flooding out?  Seems like a pretty dangerous and relationship ending move to me.  Respect your partner and keep honesty at the forefront wherever possible and I am sure the divorce rate would start to go down.




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