Wednesday, 23 November 2011

Shhh... It's a secret! My X-Mas Gift Advice

X-mas is right around the corner, and thus may I present a little relationship blog on gift giving.  I was trying hard not to listen to the ladies seated in front of me on a recent flight, but of course my curiosity got the best of me when their volume rose.  The two ladies were in their late 30's and both wore very nice looking wedding bands.  So clearly they must have a few relationship tips if they are already married right?  Well sadly they were not bragging about how amazing their sex life was or anything remotely positive in the marriage world.  Instead they were bitching about the recent gifts their husbands had purchased. 

Here's my little recap.  Blond lady received a lavish necklace, but is too embarrassed to wear it.  It's much to ornate and doesn't go with her day to day image.  Brunette lady recently received a bath spa kit she swears she saw at Costco.  Therefor Brunettes husband bought her a last minute gift and Blond's husband doesn't really know her tastes after all these years.  Then the usual "there, there, it's the thought that counts".  And the sobbing, "but why does he think I'm so superficial that the cost would be more than the thought?".  Did I mention I was on my way to Vegas and was listening to a lady cry about a gorgeous necklace?

I cannot possibly say that I am above this conversation and that I have not had it in my early dating years.  I am sure that I did, but I spent a lot of effort ensuring that once I was made aware this behavior ended.  And I will tell you why. There are many ways to look at a relationship.  I try to be as realistic and level headed as I can be.  This is how I look at the gift giving side to my relationships, you must make a choice based on your own values. 

If being surprised is the most important thing to you on X-mas morning then you get to deal with the reality that the opening and anticipation is you favorite part of the gift.  And when you open the package you may or may not get a bonus.  If on the other hand you really value the gift inside, then please for the love of all my sanity just tell the person what you want!  Give them a list to pick from or tell them in an active conversation what you would like this year as a present.  He is not a mind reader and no he has not been listening for the last 6 months for the little hints like you have.  Woman pay attention to a different sort of detail than men do, and this gives us many advantages I think in a long term relationship.  This is a strength of woman, and less so of the average male.

To segway into one of my favorite topics, which of course is sex, there are many parallels with this advice.  If you love surprises and want the ball in his court, then lie back and enjoy him taking control.  But if on the other hand there is something that you want to try, or more of, then he needs to be told.  The man is not going to listen carefully for the changes in your moaning to determine what move he makes next.  Have the conversation and take charge of your happiness and improving your own life.  Do not put it in your partners hands and then bitch to your friends that there is something missing.

What says more about your relationship?  That you can communicate and add to each others happiness or the lamenting that he is not the mind reader you want him to be?  And if you are one of the women all about the thrill of surprise, please brag about the surprise itself.  As we all know sometimes whats inside isn't what we expected, so realize this and remember what's really important to you.  You can enjoy the surprise or the gift inside.  Either way put yourself in a position to find your happiness either way.  Life's short, so enjoy.

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