Wednesday, 11 January 2012

Dating: Our Worst Fears?

I have posted a couple of times on here some dating advice, and some rules I found helpful in dealing with some specific challenges.  And yes I completely agree that dating can be a big and scary place.  This seemingly endless abyss, where by humans feel like they are in constant limbo looking to escape and find a soul mate.  Just knowing you are in limbo sucks, thus it is not a far stretch in understanding why so many of us complain about dating.  The idea of dating has a negative connotation in our society.  Rarely do we brag about dating an endless line of dead end people.  We are joyful when we say we met someone amazing.  So it is quite draining and emotionally difficult riding that up and down wave of initial butterflies followed by rejection and rock bottom.  We rush to delete that single status and jump directly in relationships because dating is hard.  But it may not have to be.

There are so many sayings that I could use right now such as, good things come to those who wait, or the best things happen when you are not looking for them.  And yes I do think that these ring true, but what are we doing in the meantime?  Sitting alone playing video games, or dressing up and walking around the mall hoping for serendipity to occur?  Maybe for a short time, but a better use of our time is to start dating.  This world of dating is so much more than just meeting your “one true love”; it's about honing up on our social skills, small talk interactions, and working on our people filters.  These skills are so much more valuable than just picking up; you can meet some amazing people.  As well your interactions at the workplace and networking skills will improve as a result. 

Look at the big picture when it comes to dating, as it is not just about voiding the loneliness.  But rather about the skills that you will pick up so much quicker and are able to apply to various aspects of your life.  It is more than just learning positive social skills, it is also about learning how to deal and react with negative ones.  If a person is rude and condescending, use the advantage of this being a perfect stranger to watch how you react and then deal with them.  This will directly transfer into the workplace if you ever have a boss that treats you with little or no respect.  Or how about a person who is an emotional train-wreck?  Figure out how best you handle dealing with them, work on not playing into their games which will help immensely if you have a family member who suffers from poor me syndrome.  It sounds cynical, but use the situation that you find yourself in to the positive.  Benefit from all these strangers surrounding you and work on your BS filter or any other skill that you know you lack.  Dating then evolves from this terrifying world with only one true purpose into making you a more stable individual who can adapt and work effectively in a variety of situations.

So my dear friends who have found themselves single for the New Year, I hope I have offered some encouragement to dating.  And may this New Year find you the happiest and most fulfilled even during times of stress and adversity.  Life after all keeps moving forward and rolling and adapting is what we humans are best at.  And of course if you really want to take dating to the next level, I would recommend searching some dating expert books.  I am happy to e-mail you a few of my favorites if you are curious J

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