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Tuesday, 24 January 2012

Deadliest Relationship Sin

What is the one thing that your significant other would do that would instantly end the relationship? What is the unforgivable sin that would actually negate all the time and effort spent loving that person?  There are many actions that are prohibited by law that might make that list, murder, rape, or maybe cooking meth in your kitchen.  But I would argue that the first thing you thought when you read this question in regards to a relationship was the poisonous snake, aka cheating.

If this is the case for you or your significant other I ask a very specific follow up question.  Have you and your partner sat down and defined what cheating actually entails?  In my first relationship cheating was anything physical, for example kissing, of a sexual nature with another female.  In my current relationship cheating is him sleeping with someone else and not telling me in a reasonable timeframe.  I am very specific that this is our agreed definition in relationship to me, whereas I always tell him but am not required to.  So in my little world I have lived a variety of definitions on what cheating actually is.

I bring up this point, as I have read a few headlines as of late stating, “help, my girlfriend/boyfriend cheated and I don’t know what to do”.  When I read further often the cheating is the girl sending a flirty text to a stranger, or the boy getting a lap dance or even entering a strip club.  While I am not placing judgement if these standards of behaviour have been discussed as inappropriate, ultimately though I have encountered a great degree of variation on cheating.  I discussed in an earlier blog about the pain associated with cheating, http://k-ghislaine.blogspot.com/2011/08/liars-or-cheaters.html.  I am not trying to downplay any intentional or accidental moments of indiscretion within a given parameter.  Rather asking if there has been an agreed upon term for a violation that would certainly end the status quo. 

If my theory is correct, that cheating plays such a major role in couples ending things, then perhaps it is time to go home and have a clear discussion on where both parties stand.  If you are capable of throwing it all away then you need to establish the crimes that would result in that punishment.  And who knows what surprises you may have in store when you discuss this?  You may no longer have to lie about your porn collection or going to the strip club with the guys, or maybe you will determine that leaving well enough alone is the best way to continue loving your partner.

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