Friday, 10 February 2012

The Gender Bias in the Dating World

I am going to make a wild and crazy generalization which may actually piss off some women, and make a few guys uncomfortable.  Here it is, men are more successful in the work force and in relationships because they have the confidence to ask for what they want.  Men are over represented in the executive workforce, and men in general are the ones setting the rules in any relationship.  Typically men wear the pants, and take charge of their relationship, sometimes when they are not entirely certain what they want.  Please, please understand I am not a feminist, and I am not trying to put any men down.  I love men, and in all fairness, I mostly enjoy the dominant dynamic in my relationships.  I take control in all aspects of my life, but there is a certain comfort to coming home and having a man take charge and take direction.  With that being said, let me continue, and make my point.

Have you ever noticed a guy in a club that is getting continually shot down?  Perhaps he is out of the league of the women that he is approaching, but he keeps trying, even when he is shot down.  He knows two things, first that he won`t get anywhere unless he tries, and secondly, that the rules of probability state that he will seal the deal eventually.  There is an underlying thought that he may or may not be aware of, and that is that he has the confidence to know that although he may not be the complete package he has the capability to sell himself and learn the rest as he goes.  This directly correlates in the workforce.  When a male is up for promotion he will sell himself towards a position clearly above his skill set, with the confidence that he will learn as he goes and promises to work hard to achieve any missing traits.  I`m sorry to admit women are just not the same.  We take much safer and more calculated risks.

How many women out there have applied for a position that you were not qualified for?  Almost never.  We want to be certain.  It is the same way at a club.  We will not approach a random guy at the bar, without first establishing some eye contact, or doing the wedding ring search or other investigation into our target.  This holds true on dating sites, and I would encourage any guy on them to set up a fake female profile just to see how true this is.  Guys will click on any and every female that catches their eye.  Men are not selective, and even if a women specifies height, or hair colour, if a man likes what he sees he is undeterred.  I am a picky bitch, no question about it, I would never ever view a profile unless it met almost all my criteria, same with at the bar.  I would never just approach the first random guy I saw, I take calculated risks, do my homework, and ensure that I cover my bases to limit my mistake threshold.

So what is a girl or a guy to do about this?   There are frustrations on both sides of the spectrum.  I have encountered many males who wonder why the chick will not make the first move.  This allows for any women who actually have the “balls” to approach a man, the clear advantage when it comes to standing out and upping their attractiveness.  On the other hand, the frustration with women getting hit on by the clichéd construction worker for example, allows any male who takes the time to notice even the smallest detail about a women’s likes or something along those lines the clear advantage.  Thus if more of us used the gender biases to our advantages two things would be accomplished;  A better chance of sexual and relationship success.  As well as a lessening of the gender gap, which has wonderful benefits for all of us in the long run.  Thus, if both sexes know more about how the other responds, the confidence is boosted.  With increased confidence the result will be a marginal increase in overall happiness.  

2 comments:

  1. No - I know of some women who're much more risk-taking confidents than some men, and vice versa. Gender can come into play to an extent, but otherwise it's up to one's individuality to make a match with their mate.

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  2. Thank you for your feedback. I do recognize that this is a generalization and it is only a bias not clear cut across the board. But I think it is a fair point and although no gender bias completely sorts out the way we act and feel as a gender, there is much to learn by studying them and talking about them.

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