Thursday, 22 March 2012

Deserving VS Getting

Sometimes hearing that one deserve the best in life is that most painful thing in the world.  If in fact it is true that one deserves the best, then wouldn’t it stand to reason that a person should have already achieved the best or be working to maintain the best.  Further, on what grounds do people actually make this claim, is it in lamenting that things were different and that sole could provide this “best” so to speak.  

 Or is it more that this, perhaps an intrinsic knowledge of a persons own character that they could never have been that complete and whole human being that would in turn complete you?  I am not talking here about ex lovers or boyfriends.  Rather though about people that as life continues, have become so near and dear to my actual soul that the words almost cripple me emotionally.  Someone who has seen a glimpse into my soul, how then can they actually utter these words?  Truly I write this with a large lump in my throat, being that I have no idea how to react or respond after hearing that.  Does one hold out for the perfect soul mate that apparently one is told they deserve or do they lower their standards and keep the door open to all new possibilities and experiences.  If that is the case, will this person who has seen into your soul then judge you for not holding out for sheer perfection? 

I know this is ranting and I apologize profusely for this, but I just wonder to the people who have uttered these words, knowingly with the best intentions what exactly did you expect as an outcome?  Or were these words uttered simply and purely from the heart and with love?  My cynicism has a very strange way of creeping up on me.  I am having an internal battle regarding what lies for me in the future.  As always though I am open to possibilities, new experiences, and perhaps ready to admit to myself that I actually deserve something previously unacknowledged.

4 comments:

  1. "If in fact it is true that one deserves the best, then wouldn’t it stand to reason that a person should have already achieved the best or be working to maintain the best."

    What? That's crazy, of course not. Just because you deserve something doesn't mean you've necessarily already got it. That's like saying a kid's who's been homeless his whole life doesn't ever deserve a home. Just because you happened to have dated some jerks, or had some negative things happen in your life doesn't mean you don't deserve to be treated well.

    Guessing your friend (or whoever) said that because they think you deserve better than you've gotten. Full stop. It's probably not a judgment of you, they've seen that you're not happy, and want you to be.

    When I say "you deserve the best" to someone I tend to mean "you're hung up over something that isn't worth it. There's much better out there." It's not being unrealistic or holding out for perfection - it's knowing what you will and won't stand for. It's holding out for real happiness, secure in the knowledge that being without a partner is still far far far better than being in a relationship that doesn't give you what you need.

    So yeah, be open minded. But "different" and "new" don't always mean "good". The great thing about being open is that it's ok to NOT do/try something if you don't want to. It's totally fine to want what you want, it's a big world and chances are, someone wonderful out there will want the same things too. Be open to goodness, kindness, thoughtfulness, comfort. These are the things to look for, not compromises. (Because when you find those things, the compromises - and there are always some - hardly even feel like compromise anymore.)

    (Also the soul-mate idea is bunk, in my opinion. In a world of 7 billion people, there's really supposed to be "the one"? Pretty unlikely. But there are many people each of us would be well suited with to build a life with - finding/keeping them is a matter of luck, effort, and knowing yourself)

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