Thursday, 15 March 2012

Transitioning: Moving on

This will be my second in what I am calling my transitioning section of my blog.  I briefly spoke about how I write out an obituary for both my relationship and my ex partner.  This allows me to properly put closure upon the relationship, but I think I have to further explain at what point I complete this.  With my ex of 8 and a half years it actually took me over a year and a half to be able to write a concise and more importantly genuine one about him.  Whereas, it only took me a year to be able to write one for the relationship.  For myself, I had to be honest about where the heart break had actually taken me.  Further to this, what I had actually learned both good and bad about myself with him, and without him.

There is no use trying to force a conclusion on something if there are unresolved emotions to go through.  And I think one of the hardest parts for me, as I have alluded to before, is that finding of a new way to deal with your emotions.  Your emotional crutch for lack of a better word is not longer in your life, and thus you are dealing with a loss of both that person and the relationship.  And although I had cried out numerous times, just let this pain be over, it took much longer that I wanted to be able to find peace in the past.  It is surprising the range of emotions that sneak up on you when you are able to visual a conclusion prior to being ready emotionally.  But this pointed out to me, the very issues that were unresolved, and painted a clear picture of what adjustments needed to be made in my life.  Not to forget and forgive, but to ensure that I learned what I needed and could apply it to future interactions. 

I cannot stress enough just how important this is to me.  I have written about living a life free of regret, and having such a balanced and rational view of the world allows me to accomplish this to the fullest.  If I don’t make peace with my past actions and behaviors, then I cannot move forward.  I’m not sure if this is too morbid of a way to bring closure to a relationship, or rather to share with my readers.  But I am honest in my methodology to help me with the grieving process.  Time is an important factor and there is nothing I can say or do to take away the pain that is felt during a breakup.  Just that when it is over, you do need to find a way that works to move on.  Gauge reasonable to yourself, but seek out those in your life to give you re-assurance as to time spent mourning.  If your best friend says it’s time to get out of the house and move on, chances are your best friend is right.  Too many times I have seen women and men, 20 years after a painful divorce still bear the burden of loss.   They will still react uncontrollably with emotion, or pain, and life is too short to hold onto the past so fiercely. 

So learn how to move on, in whatever reasonable amount of time it takes you.  I know that it will be a while before I can lay to rest the relationship that I just came out of.  I still experience a range of emotion, but I am working to deal, learn and grow so that my next opportunity at love is even better than this one was.  Moving on isn’t simple, in fact I would say it is the most challenging part of the ending of things.  Breaking up is pain, moving on is strength.  

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