Tuesday, 1 May 2012

Relationship with Parents: Follow Up


Last Wednesday I posted a blog about Relationships with Parentsand I decided I would write about the key components in more depth.  A heartfelt thank you to my dear friend who requested that I write it, and challenged me just enough that I was able to press publish.  I write to bring about clarity in my crazy world and count myself very lucky that there are individuals who appreciate the sharing.  I wrote about having two parents and the relationships that form as result, but I need to go further with that statement.  I have 4 keys players in my life who have made the most impact on who I am today as a person.  I have my mom, my biological dad, my grandparents (who for simplicity will be just one entity as far as impact goes), and I have my stepdad. 

These four players taught me everything I knew up until I became an adult, both directly and indirectly in regards to relationships.  I mentioned before that my grandparents took on the role of unconditional love.  There, so far to date, has been only one aspect of my life that I have not asked them for advice on, and that has been this blog.  Other than that, they have absolutely been a source of wisdom and support during all the major events in my life.  Next we have my stepdad, whom the two leading men in my life have both remarked made me who I am today.  With his sharp wit, and no nonsense sensibilities in approaching this world I was given a real gift in balance.  I can honestly say, that one of the things I am most proud of is in being able to choose him as a parent from the age of 10, onwards.  We stuck by each other even after my mom and he divorced and although we do not have a blood tie, I am as much his daughter as he is my father. 

Now we have my biological dad, with whom I have had the biggest rollercoaster of a relationship with especially during my early childhood.  One of the reasons that I decided to write this follow up was to share with you something that he shared with me upon reading it.  Although I am paraphrasing a bit here, he remarked at how I am able to turn hardships into a positive.  The ironic thing about him writing that to me is that the only person I really could have learned that from is him.  In watching him do that for himself when he hit rock bottom was a real eye opener that yes indeed, we can do anything that we put our minds to.  When I say that my step dad gave me balance, it was in direct result of what I had learned from my biological.  His free spirit was something that for a long time I thought as a negative, and learning from a grounded individual from 10 onwards was integral in my character developing.  Now as an adult I have learned to take both aspects of that and balance them into my character.  It took my two fathers to really teach me that lesson and I am so appreciative of them both.

And finally we have my mom.  I have thanked her in previous blogs for raising me as well as she possibly could.  I knew that I would cause her pain when I wrote previously about the relationships that first develop who we become as adults.  And she was the main reason that I resisted writing about it for so long.  I will not write publicly about many aspects of her and I, but I recognize that there is still so much work that the two of us need to do in order to strengthen our relationship. The relationship that each of us has with our mothers is incredibly critical in who we become.  And even more importantly, in how we would like to be parents ourselves.  The reality is that relationships are constantly fluid and can change from one day to the next, but the foundation and how we react to situations is learnt from a very early age.  We are a direct result of those integral people that we can recognize to have made us who we are.  It can be painful, but to take the good with the bad, and recognizing all the various components is critical to both our generation and the next.  It took 4 critical people to make me who I am today, perhaps for some with siblings or mentors you can trace back to the roots that gave you your first impressions on how to form relationships and bonds with the people in your life.

2 comments:

  1. In my eyes you are a very good friend and soul. As you have opened up the doors that have been shut in my life and i bet in others as well. Our relationships with our families have always been written in stone...a taboo in my family where no one was allowed to question what, why and who? Today the world is much more open and we are allowed to question everystep of our existance. You have opened up my eyes to see that I am not alone in this battle with my life and my family. It is a solid ground to stand on and pray I am still standing up after I lay down the rules of my life and not follow in the footsteps of my parents...thanks Krystal.

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  2. You and stories like this are the reason I write. Thanks for all the support.

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