Monday, 16 July 2012

Walking the Fine Line


No means no means no.  Sounds simple enough, however it is unbelievable how often I have to repeat myself and say no.  I like to think of myself as pretty sex positive, and I try to share what I have learned over the course of time, that being said the biggest learning curve is often found when things go wrong.  I constantly convince myself that woman can be completely platonic with men and build really amazing friendships.  Sometimes these friendships turn sexual, but often the friendship is formed out of a mutual respect whereby if one party says no that is the end of that and the friendship can continue on its journey.  Unfortunately I have a bit of a short fuse when I am put in a position whereby I have to repeat myself to the point of being rude, at this point the friendship is sinking vessel.

I do not mind when a male friend tells me I am good looking as flattery is awesome and I openly applaud things that are awesome.  But I am also incredibly choosy, I am open with my sexuality and my views on relationships but that does not translate into an invitation to sleep with all of my male friends.  The biggest reason for not wanting the men in my life to continuously try to hit on me is a selfish one, and that is that I hate having to put my friends in their places.  It makes me feel horrible when I have to flash that bitchy, and cruel side to the people I care about.  I understand the difficulties men and women alike face, as the chances not taken are wasted opportunities, and for that I will always be respectful the first approach, and often the second.  But when I have to say no a third time, well my inner bitch shows her true colours.

It is a fine line, and I appreciate that, it is one that I have walked more than once.  That decision to take a chance on a friendship being more than just platonic, knowing full well that the friendship may never quite be the same afterwards.  Or that I may lose having that person in my life for a long time after a chance encounter, those are very real risks.  But if I am turned down once, I do not take it upon myself to push and push until the friendship is unsalvageable.  The thing I have learned is that these things do take two mutually willing and able individuals in order to progress into something more.  If one party is not on the same page, take a kind no and back off.  Make it easier for people to be more sex positive and open rather than making it uncomfortable or placing negativity on a freeing situation.  Try to make a healthy and open environment for a bit of playful flirting and teasing, but remember to always listen when a person says no.  If we are heard the first time, it makes it a little easier for us to say exactly what we want and do not want.  It is a two way street in the game of wants and needs, as I have written before where woman have learned to be coy, so respect us when we try and break this ingrained habit.


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