Tuesday, 4 September 2012

Dating Rules Can Do More Damage Than Good


There are a lot of dating and relationship rules that our western society likes to make.  These predictors in theory prove that you have a long lasting relationship or broke up for a solid reason.  Some examples are that you need to take a vacation together to ensure that you can be happy together and spend isolated time without getting on each others nerves.  The idea that you must break up or go through a loss together will prove that you really do miss each other and want to work to be with that person or that you are a solid support system.  You know little things like that where your parents will sigh and say that if you can get through that you can get through anything.  I recently read a book which I have talked about, “why men love bitches  which added a rule that if you sleep with the guy on the first date that you give him all the cards and he has no reason to pursue you.  I understand the temptation to make generic statements like these and to even believe in their validity.  In a perfect world rules like this would work.

But we are not in a perfect world.  Rules go out the window when you have two people who are trying to make a relationship work.  There is no steadfast, works for all type of lock and key system that ensures lifetime happiness.  If a formula existed we would all follow it and live happily ever after.  So in my opinion these clichéd turn of phrases have no place being said.  For me personally I can attest that whenever I hear these things they do exactly what they are designed to, make you feel better for the moment.  For example, if you break up and are heartbroken, hearing that the best relationships need to go through a breakup to prove just how strong they can be really lifts you up.  The problem is that this sentiment is just that, a wishy washy build you up moment that has absolutely no factual basis behind it. 

I personally will never subscribe to the idea that a female cannot sleep with a guy on the first date.  If the mood is right and it happens well great, it is bound to at some point.  And I would be devastated if I let myself fall for somebody only to discover after the fact that there was no sexual chemistry or that he was just plain bad in bed.  That is just not a sacrifice that I am willing to make.  I would rather know sooner than later as to what goods I have to work with, rather than discovering a surprise when I had to include feelings into the equation. 

Our society seems to believe in sugar coating every aspect of socialization and very rarely do we run into that brutally honest soul.  That person that we can count on to say what they mean and mean what they say.  And sugar coating has turned us into a society littered with pussy’s.  It gets easier to be honest with practice, and we should start practicing every day.  Pretend hope only shifts the pain from today to tomorrow.  No one has a perfect relationship or partnership with all the answers but honesty and sharing what works and what does not is how we learn and grow as individuals and a society.

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