Thursday, 6 September 2012

Our Dating World is Constantly Changing

As sex becomes more common place in the media and in various discussions its impact to dating is really starting to be felt.  Decades ago sex was never talked about in the presence of mixed company, whereas today we laugh and joke about the subject with much more freedom.  My girlfriend and I were recently discussing the increased frequency with which guys whom we have not even met will begin to discuss sex.  I wrote about the guy who crossed the line with me in my saying no post, and although that is an extreme example it is becoming a bit of an issue. 

On the one hand the desire to be sex positive and open is a strong one.  If I so choose I should be free to share my sexual orientation and expectations with the company of my choosing.  I am free to write and to share my thoughts and feelings on the subject without fear of negative responses.  I am grateful for these freedoms and I love writing.  What I am noticing with more frequency though is the lack of timing and appropriateness for these discussions.  If you were to online date today I guarantee that at least half if not more of these seemingly amazing guys would bring up sex and dirty talk/text prior to meeting face to face with the person they are interested in pursuing.

The online world has made it too easy to go for it right up front and really push the boundaries as far as they can.  These are strangers with whom they have not yet met so no harm, no foul, and if they get a bad reaction they can quickly move onto the next target.  The natural tendency to objectify that with which you have had no actual contact with is surprisingly easy.  Men and woman do this alike, gay and straight, and everything in between and outside. 

So where does this leave the recipient?  In a position that they have to speak up clearly and concisely and state where there boundaries are.  Almost every time I have stated that I will not discuss sex or anything related to that prior to meeting a person I have been thanked for being honest and the relationship progressed smoothly.  But until I figured this out I was frustrated and upset at being objectified like this by strangers.  Men wanting giving me the first impression that all they wanted was to get into the females skirts (or pants whatever your preference) throughout the centuries, which I do not think has ever changed.  What is changing though is the timing and the technology with which to broach these subjects.  People are becoming more forward and spending less time with the flirtation and romance.  And that can be incredibly uncomfortable for those of us who are newly dating.  The old norms of dinner then first kiss, second date and hitting 3rd base, and the third date home run are completely unused now. 

Online dating has taken a lot of the seduction out of the game, and it is going to be a hard push to get that back.  The recipient has to find a voice to lay out the game plan of what will and will not happen, and that is a real game changer, especially for a girl who loves to flirt and get flirted with in return.  It will be very interesting to see how this current climate plays out, and if the seducers will again stand out in time for their rarity, or be swept up and ignored for the flashy is better mentality.

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