Monday, 4 February 2013

Female Reactions to Porn: Blog Topic Request


Why is it that when your partner says it doesn’t bug her if you watch porn, then you do beside her and it freaks her out? 

I was asked this question recently and I have a few ideas for the rational behind this.  My gut reaction was that she really wants to be OK with the viewing of porn, but is still working through some issues with it.  The idea of having her nose rubbed in the fact that it is being viewed right beside her might be just too much in the here and now.  In the future this may be fine, and perhaps even turn into a turn on, but the gut reaction was to freak out a little.  Being sex positive can be a bit of a battle, and with the variety of porn out there, some just truly irritates me even though I do not have any problem with my boyfriend watching it in the same room as me.

Now my second theory is a little more complicated and really plays into what I experience monthly.  Yes I do mean monthly, and this falls in line with my Shark week post.  For the majority of my cycle I have a firm control on how I react to things.  I can control, maintain composure and even joke about things that make me a little nervous.  But for a day, or up to a couple in a month I react in a completely out of character way.  I am self conscious and almost weak feeling.  I am not trying to blame my hormones, rather I am just pointing out the patterns that I have noticed.  I work hard to try and recognize these cyclical patterns and adjust the surprising reactions with a little more tact.  But I, like many woman have an incredibly irregular cycle and sometimes I am days off where I think my hormone levels may be sitting.  It is admittedly a pain in my ass, so I always try to empathize with just how exponentially more of a pain this must be for my partner.  Rational, level headed girlfriend 98%  of the time, then just irrational, and self conscious for a few days.  Get the timing really wrong and this can be a recipe for a massive disagreement.  But back to the original query.

The third option is that she was outright lying about being OK with it just to please you.  It is not going to be the most popular answer, and one that most likely will never be admitted.  But the reality is, that sometimes people say things to a partner that just are not true.  And often they come back to bite us in the tushie.  Men and woman sometimes embellish the truth just enough to heighten attraction between partners.  I have most definitely done it, and had some serious soul searching to do with fixing the untruth that was told.  The unfortunate part though, is you may never know the truth about why she freaked out.  But you can learn a lot about her reactions, and the way you two work to resolve or communicate the issue and that is what really counts.

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