Friday, 1 February 2013

Open Musings: Dating and Relationships


Accepting what is, and what is not.  I do not typically date, not by conscious choice but by design.  I can have fuck buddies and I can have relationships, but I have not once just dated someone for the sake of getting to know them.  Perhaps a few guys felt like they were dating me, but in my mind, if they were getting primary access to my time we were in a relationship, and otherwise they were a fuck buddy.  I am not saying this is good or bad thing, more puzzled by the concept of dating.  E and I went out on a great first date, it was fun, but then we just fell into a routine extremely quickly and found ourselves in a relationship without ever hashing any details out.  He had mentioned what he wanted in a girlfriend, and I had fought any urge to speak my mind and think about the future.  It’s odd how a relationship can sneak up on you like that. 

And I felt the same this summer, whereby I called it my summer of fun to any and all who would ask.  But the majority of my time was occupied by just one guy and BOOM it felt like we are in a relationship yet again.  And still without discussion of any of the terms or conditions about being with each other. Or maybe these last 2 and half years have been what dating is all about.  Testing the waters, and not really making any sort of commitment or future discussion.  Are the lines between dating and a relationship really that blurry?

The mentality, things are good so why change them, is so easy to get swept up in.  Life is good, life is really good, so why change a good thing.  The difference between change and natural progression is also a bit complicated.  I have yet to have a fuck buddy turn into a relationship because it has been situations of opportunity and not ones where long term was even an option.  This has lead to a more natural ease of keeping things simple.  One can almost be freer in that sort of situation, if that makes any sense at all.  You can play out your fantasies and do so without ever having to consider long term ramifications on your relationship.  But it is possible to merge these two, to incorporate the freedom and fantasy of a fuck buddy into relationship territory?  Also is it possible or even fair to do this when you have an open commitment to somebody else?  On what level would that friend with benefits feel love, support and security being a second?  Perhaps then a more realistic approach would be a monogamish lifestyle in this scenario, where if feelings were developed between somebody additional, there would be discussions and a plan to either invite them into the equation or graciously end things before any further complications arose.  Also learning to incorporate that free feeling with your primary partner, by being able to bring those fantasies into a relationship where there is quite a bit more on the line.

These are just musing as I look into my future, and try to decide what paths are worth it in the long term.  What direction would lead to the most fulfilment and overall joy with the least amount of heartache.  Is dating really worth the effort, especially when I am so inexperienced at it?  Is it more realistic to have some spice on the side, but keep my primary attention focused on just one?  Time will tell, and as always I am open to whatever life decides to through my way.

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