Tuesday, 12 February 2013

Preconceived Notions: Open Relationships


Here are a few misgivings that I have heard since beginning my blog over a year and a half ago.  The first being that there is a preconceived notion out there that being in an open relationship lends a person to be slutty (and not in a sex positive way).  But I find the opposite is actually true.  Because I am quite happy in my current relationship I do not need to settle to get my kicks or spice as I like to call it.  If someone is going to catch my interest they need to be incredibly special.  I am afforded an actual luxury about the whole thing, where I can happily pick and choose whom I want to engage in any sort of relation with, even if only a mild brand of flirting.

How then can you stand being jealous all the time is also something that I am frequently asked. Irrational feelings develop at times, and are quite natural.  I am miles away from where I was in dealing with jealousy at the beginning to where I am now, and yes it does take work. You need to be in a loving and honest relationship so that you can understand and help your partner through natural periods of jealousy while at the same time understanding that jealousy is your own problem.  Jealousy can be a cancer in a relationship if left to fester or if not dealt with head on.  Now in saying that when I have jealousy, I take a step back.   It often drives E crazy, but I almost always walk into the other room and find myself a quiet corner to regain my composure.  I try to rationally evaluate if this is something that will bother me in the future and thus require a conversation with my partner, or if this is just a gut reaction style emotion that will just go away naturally.

There is also a huge stereotype about how horrible and detrimental an open relationships can be and how immoral they are in our society.  I have tried to present a different side to this and be a voice of reason giving an open and honest perspective.    I have mentioned that I am not particularly promiscuous by any means.  As well I am not actively seeking anything on the side.  This is not my method at all for an open relationship.  And I am pretty sure that if you met me in person you would have no idea that E and I are open.  We pose no threat to single or coupled people around us, as well we are both ethical and moral people, of course me more so than him.

How can you say that you are committed if you are always open to something on the side?  Sometimes flirting with somebody else really makes your main relationship so much stronger, not always, but every so often.  The feeling of joy and re-affirmed confidence when your partner tells you how much he/she appreciates you after a little fling or flirtation is amazing.  The bond between the two of you more often gets stronger as a result of it.  Of course the reality presented to society from the media is that the extra on the side will harm and often sever the main relationship, but it is the same risk that monogamous couples run into.  If a little fling or on monogamous interaction is natural human behavior, which is very well explained in “Sex at Dawn” then why fight it?  Instead embrace all the positives that it can bring into your main and healthy relationship, rather than falling prey to the preconceived notions in our society.

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