Wednesday, 11 September 2013

Just Porn, and My Own Acceptance of Sexuality

I have a very popular post on this blog entitled Porn, JustPorn.  I reluctantly admit, that when people Google this subject they are not necessarily looking for some light reading, however the stats are what they are and I will take them.  My last post had to do with me finally being able to express what is really in it for me when it come to having an open relationship.  I would like to now bring these two trains of thought together, and perhaps make some sort of a point.

I know a lot of people out there are uncomfortable with the porn habits of their partner.  I have heard time and time again that porn should not be necessary when you are in a committed partnership.  Or that a sign of too much porn indulgence is a warning about something or other in your relationship.  I have heard it, seen it, and I have even felt this very thing.  What I fail to comprehend in all of this, is any sort of logic, it seems to be an emotional response that we accept rather than understanding it.  When I think of being in a happy and committed relationship, for better or worse, till death do us part, I have never once thought that my partner is now mine to control.  More to the point, I do not think that I have control over his mind, body or soul.  It is a partnership because I love and accept him, for him.

Sex is a natural part of being human.  I do not see the rationale behind telling someone whom I love, respect and judge to be a whole and unique individual that I now get a say in how they find pleasure.  Nor do I take kindly to the notion that my partner may have a say in when I can, or cannot have sex, alone or otherwise.  Or in what order I may choose to get off, for example do I try to have sex with him, prior to me getting myself off?  Does that seem reasonable?  And yet, too often, I hear the sad story of someone getting jealous because they caught their partner watching porn and did not even get a consult to see if maybe they wanted to have sex first.   Sometimes it can be really hot to be caught getting myself off, where as others, I close the door and have some private time for myself.  And I do not think that having a partner should change our individuality. 


As many people out there are choosing the lifestyle of monogamy, yes I believe it is a choice, at the very least I hope that you recognize you do not have control over your partners sexual desires.  I once read an article, where a woman was sitting on the washing machine and it vibrated in just the right way.  After she had some surprise fun, she wondered if she needed to tell her husband what had happened, and I kid you not, if he would be upset that she got off without him.  This is one of those laugh or cry moments for me.  I would never be in a relationship if that meant I had to give up who I was.  To relinquish control over my sexuality? To be told that I could or could not watch porn, and touch myself if I chose to.  I find it hard some days to admit that I am proud of my partners sexuality, and his desires for other woman.  The first step is admitting your own desires, and watching his excitement at my happiness brings me one step further to accepting all that he is, porn habits and all!  So in the end perhaps less of a point was made, and more of a rant.

2 comments:

  1. My wife and I have been together for 12 years now, married for 4. Several years ago, we found one that one way to keep an element of spice in our relationship was to look at porn together. The session can be started in different ways whether it's her starting looking at something naughty and me peeking at her monitor or vice-verca. Either way, we usually end up enjoying the moment together and it leads to more fun later on. I would agree that sexuality is a natural thing for a human to feel, and that being able to feel good by getting off (in a private setting) shouldn't necessarily be frowned upon (*in most circumstances), sharing that experience with someone you love, should only be a benefit to your relationship.

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    1. I love reading stories like that. Thank you so much for sharing.

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