Today, I had a guy online tell me that being in an open relationship just means that he doesn’t want me (referring to my boyfriend of course). It is not the first time I have heard that, nor will it be the last. I have written a piece wondering why people hate an open relationship. Now though, I would like to share a few things that I have run into after becoming public with being open. The comment above arose after I attempted to tell a guy that he was not my type, which prompted his ego to flare up. He called me a few names, one of them being stuck up, and thinking I was too good for a man, which is why I was single. Once I shared with him, that I was in an open relationship, very happy, and in a position to look for something quite specific, hence why I tried letting him down nicely, he pulled out the gem I opened with.
I know that each and every relationship will have their own unique challenges. For example, I read a story today where a catholic woman is being hounded by family and friends for only having one child after being married for a number of years. The faith she is a part of places a strong value on procreation, and unfortunately for her she has had a number of miscarriages and may only be able to have the one child. That is a tough relationship for her to choose to be in, both with her family, and with her God. She chose this path, and it is not always easy, but I am sure she feels it is right for her. Anytime you do not follow the norm, whether by choice or by situation, there will be criticisms. Change frightens a lot of people, non conformity is an outlier, something to be questioned and usually with judgement first.
I have been asked a few times what is in open relationships for me. Many people can see the benefit for my male partner, yet seem to think I would not also enjoy choice, variety, and threesomes. Also I have been told that when I have kids I will no longer want to live this lifestyle. That my priorities will shift away from my happiness towards selfless love of my offspring. I can tell you from experience, that if you are not raised by happy parents, there is no chance of happy children. And of course, the most common comment I get is, that people just do not understand the appeal in general of having a long term relationship that is not monogamous. Why even bother having a partner, if you are just going to go out and screw around. That it is just not real love, and is not an adult relationship.
Through out my years of blogging, I have touched on all these questions and critiques. I always try to explain with love, and clear language free of too much emotion my line of thinking. I want to err on the side of rational, versus just a dear diary experience. I do not think monogamy is better or worse, simply that for me, an open relationship makes sense. How difficult is it in monogamy to live up to being the ideal standard of your partner. To be someone’s everything? Honestly, how difficult is this relationship norm? It is a lifestyle I lived for well over 8 years. I came out of it exhausted, but also never questioned it for a second. It is easy to attack and judge someone, and it is much more challenging to open a dialogue, especially when it challenges your ideas or core values. So don’t be that guy who tells you that the relationship that makes you happy is clearly wrong, and that you are unloved.