Saturday, 6 December 2014

November Realization

I am so glad that November is over.  I tried to take on a bit too much and that all escalated to a grinding halt during our dear dark, and cold November.  Typically I balance my work, home, love life with a certain confidence that leaves me with a sense of pride when I look back on the day, and at all I have achieved.  This past month was a bit too much for me. It is rare for me to feel overwhelmed off and on for that long of a period of time.  So long in fact that I look back upon this blog and find it missing in any content for this bleak time span.

If you have been following me for any length of time, you will appreciate how writing centers me.  It grounds me in an almost trance like way, my own form of meditation.  And well, I was so out of sorts, I could not write.

An amazing realization happened out of those overwhelming feelings, that brought me to tears on more than one occasion.  That being the re affirmation that I am not alone.  I have the perfect fitting partner for who I am now, and for who I am striving to be in the future.  The is not something that I ever thought would happen.  I do not believe in "the one", however I do embrace the love of the right now and look fondly towards the future with a man who fits so perfectly it takes my breath away. After all the stressful and amazing situations the two of us have gone through together, we emulate the phrase stronger than ever.  

I call my partner and my being on the same page an amazing thing because there is always that nagging fear that when your partner sees you at your worst they are going to run away.  And it feels rational at the time.  You find yourself hating who you are, having troubles getting happy or just catching a breath.  Who in their right mind would want to stand by that, support and even find ways to cherish the moments when you are just needing a hug because you feel like you have nothing left in you.  This post would have been near impossible for me to admit to anyone anything more than a few years ago.  And to my character I just couldn't write this when I was actually feeling low and lost.  Now however, I feel refreshed and excited for how strong we are as partners.  I hope to share some adventures of the two of us dating shortly and bring a little fun to this blog.  

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