Dating sites are a critical tool in open relationships. The advice of just go out and meet people is not quite kosher when you are non monogamous. So whether you are looking to add some spice or make new connections vetting through an online forum is the best way to go. But of course, there is not just one dating site that perfectly suits my every changing wants and needs, so it is useful to have a few sites to bounce between. Here is a brief review of 3 that I am currently using: POF, Ok Cupid and Bumble. Side note, Tinder is a mixture of all 3 of these sites, so I am excluding it for the time being. There is just nothing particularly special about it, it is merely a swiping exercise or boredom tool.
Plenty of Fish has the largest user base, with the most restrictions for interactions. As the pool so to speak is so vast, the likely hood of finding what you want, couples or just something fun on the side is higher. However, there are some major drawbacks. You cannot be honest about what you are looking for in your profile, ie married or poly. They have very strict rules, and set themselves up as a singles site. If you break these rules, you can be reported, blocked, or have your profile deleted. This is not just a scare tactic, I have had my profile deleted because I said I was looking for couples in my profile. There are subtle ways around this, for example, you can now put living together as one of your relationship taglines. But of course, who really reads these things right? It is an enticing site for people like me, just due to the sheer volume of users, but you also have to wade through a lot of crap to find what you are looking for. And the restrictions POF places on who can use the site increases the deception that goes on. So I always use the site with guards up, ready, and prepared for the abuses that come with interacting with such a variety of people who are not always prepared to handle my situation.
Next up we have Ok Cupid. This is by far my favourite site for dating as a couple. We can put links to each other’s profiles right in our opening paragraph. There are filters for non monogamy, and a bunch of fantastic ways to narrow down the quest to find that perfect someone. It is set up for such a wide variety of users that I hope someday OKC will get the volume that POF has. I have had some great conversations with poly, and open people alike. How could you not send a lovely message? Being able to share links is also a benefit. Of course, there are report buttons and block options just like with POF, but I find it is users who block and not the site owners scanning your messages for rule infractions. I feel more like a responsible adult on OK Cupid. But of course, because the open community is so small, you cannot just stick with one site. So onto the newest app I have tried, and that is Bumble.
Bumble is the female’s answer to Tinder. Women match and talk first. No more having to block users at a rapid pace when you first sign up as is necessary with all other dating apps and sites I have used over the years. Here, we the females, have 24 hours to message that cutie that caught our eye and set the tone for our current wants. It is a fantastic premise. Being new though, there are a lot of fake profiles, and more than that, a huge shortage of people. This app is going to take some time to really gain traction, and I hope it does. The fear of reading the message of the biggest creep is gone. The men cannot initiate contact, and that in itself removes the almost predatory feeling I think most women have felt while online dating. It can be scary at times, and that can then crush a good girls ego. Of course, being that the woman have the power, it leaves out a huge population gap that does not fit into the binary male/female interaction. I cannot see a solution that would make everyone happy. I do know that there is a setting so that you can see both male and female profiles, but that I have not yet tried, so am unable to comment on it's effectiveness.
So there you have it, the short and sweet low down on just 3 of the dating sites that are available and I use with relative frequency. I'm always open to new suggestions as well, so feel free to message me or add some to the comment section. Cheers!