Publicly stating on my online profiles that I am living with someone, or in an open relationship often leads people to get the wrong idea. I frequently get openers stating that the guy is in a similar “situation” and would be "discreet if and when we met up, so not to worry". It’s quite a bold opener, making all sorts of assumptions about me and my lifestyle. But it does get me wondering about the men who are online just to cheat.
I had a guy message me stating that he was married and looking for something on the side because he had not had sex in over a year. I asked why he didn’t just get a divorce. His reply was that they were in the process but had 10 months left on their lease, so they would stay together until then. And the very next day, his profile was gone. Similar stories to this one happen all the time. Sometimes the guy is honest about just needing some stress relief, or other times he will say he is in an open relationship just like me, and would I mind if we kept this whole thing a secret.
I am public in my open status because I am not cheating. Or I am not cheating because I am honest with myself, my partner, and the people that I am chatting with. Either way, I find it difficult not to get a little squeamish at the thought that there are men online actively seeking out sex and not being honest with their partners. Too often I have listened to gut wrenching stories from my loved ones who are devastated because they found out they were cheated on. It is a pain that you don’t forget. Having experienced it myself and having emotionally cheated in past relationships I know the damage. I am not perfect. I have done some crappy things when I was not in a happy, healthy relationship. So I would never say I am above it, as that would make me a hypocrite. That being said, I recognized where I strayed and adjusted my life, and even changed partners (but that's another story) and found a lifestyle that works for me.
I love to flirt, and I would be miserable if I didn’t have the ability to do it, if and when I choose to. I like getting to know new people, and finding out their stories. But cheating is something that hurts people. If you can lie to someone you love, or used to love, then end it. You do no favors to yourself, to you partner or to your future partner. Find a way to be happy and not cheat. If you have to make compromises then do it, but do not use the online dating world, which is crappy enough, to add your BS to. I am open, my partner knows I am online and I know he is online. I have seen his profile, he has seen mine. And what’s more, we met online. I believe that the system can be wonderful if honesty is a part, or at least flat out lies are removed from the equation. So if you’re cheating, please don’t message me, I am not impressed by how big your cock is and I do not believe it will go to waste. Save us both the trouble, and keep me from being a part of future tears. Being honest isn’t always easy, but freaking man up!