Thursday, 4 May 2017

Judge the New Term and Ask Questions Later Said No One Ever



The lack of reading comprehension skills presented by people on online dating sites is appalling and needs to be addressed.  I have written a post or two discussing various labels in the non-monogamous world and even tried to do my own PSA, and it received some positive feedback, so here I go again. 

A common occurrence in online dating is the rapid assigning of knowable relationship norms when known words are put in new way.  For example, when I tell someone that we are looking to date couples, I almost always get a reply saying, “oh so you are swingers”.  I have to stop myself from my rapid fire gut response of, “if we were swingers I would have said swingers”.  So I take the high road and explain that we are looking to date couples.  Then the response is unilaterally, oh like foursomes?  And then I kindly break it down, and take the time to define what the word date means and relationship.  Why do I do this?  Because I would like to educate.  And thanks to this blog, specifically a few rant posts, I can say that I take pride in my communication skills.  I have worked hard to become more clear and direct in my oral and written word.  So, I will say what I mean.  If I wanted hookups, I would state that.  Threesomes and moresome, the exact same thing, I would clearly and proudly put that in my looking for column.  But that’s not what I said.

I imagine a world where people read with a comprehension above that of an elementary student.  I strive to use clear and precise language, like date, relationship and couples.  Words that are familiar to the general populous.  However, it is clear that when those things are thrown together people get confused and think of shag carpets and key parties.  Which is odd when you really get down to it, because I don’t usually chat with anyone who would have been sexually present in the 70’s…?  At any rate, I constantly ask guys what the term couple means to them.  And they unilaterally get the definition correct.  But when I say I am looking to date couples, then all manor of assumptions come out.  And they are so quick to try and have me meet their fwb.  And it seems that every single guy online just happens to have a fwb on the side, patiently waiting for me to come along to fulfill their threesome fantasy.  So, I steer them back onto my preferred course of wanting to long term date couples with my partner, and I watch their heads explode.

Most people cannot fathom this, and they get really rude, or they start talking dirty to me.  Is this like a hail Mary, nothing left to lose gameplay?  I don’t get it.  It’s like the dick pic.  Once you have been kindly rejected, do you think sending me a photo of your junk is going to make me change my mind and go mount that python?  (I am sad to say that a guy actually told me that I was missing out on his behemoth of a python and I would be sorry for the rest of my life… I’m not, he was missing teeth). 

Why is communication so difficult in this day and age?  Especially with the power of google at everyone’s finger tips!  If I read a phrase or a word I have not heard before, I google it or ask someone in the know what it means.  I do not make offhanded assumptions or judgements.  There is no race to answer a person within 30 seconds in the online dating world.  So take a few minutes before you reply with a brash term that you know, and look it up.  Or ask for clarification.  It’s not an ego thing, it’s learning or displaying interest and that is incredibly sexy to most people.  Don’t be a know it all asshole!  Use those reading comprehension skills they tested you on in school.  See what you can learn by putting new words together.  And please spend less time on using the latest shorthand or emoji’s, as people don’t actually, find that hot.  Funny at times, maybe, but never do we brag that the latest person online is so attractive and hip because he/she uses the newest and best abbreviations… swoon.   

Ok, 3 tangents in one post means it is time to wrap this one up.  We have to learn to adapt and grow in the world of online interaction because it is not going away.  Then find a way to make meaningful connections and use those skills to exist offline.  Brush up on your comprehension skills, pick up a book, get outside, learn and ask questions!  And for goodness sakes, meet people in the real world because it is much harder to be an asshole to someone’s face than it is online!

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