Thursday, 25 May 2017

Talking Publicly About Your Sex Life


Last week I wrote a post about expressing my fantasies, and how it is an area of my life that I would like to improve upon.  I have difficulty expressing my fantasies, but I have absolutely no trouble with talking about my amazing sex life.  I could go on and on about the incredible foursome that I experienced very recently, but there is a problem, who can I tell? 

When it comes to social media there are certain societal norms that we tend to follow.  One of the main ones, is that you do not brag about your sex life on facebook, or other such social forums where your family or friends reside.  You cannot post that incredibly hot picture that you took in the mirror while doggy style, or share the picture taken in the hot tub just before the clothes started to fall off.  Exhibitionism is taboo for social media.  And if you do decide to Instagram, Snapchat or Tweet those pictures you may get some very nasty name calling and labels from those you know.  Sure, people say they want to see the images from time to time, but the general population just does not want to see a person they know in the throes of passion.  The consensus seems to be that those images are not necessarily bad, but any sort of in your face boasting is scandalous.

All of this is fine, and I am not trying to change this particular social climate, but there are days that I just want to brag to someone about how sexy I feel, or how amazing my most recent orgasm was.  And guess what?  Not even my best friends want to get that text.  If I try out of the blue to talk about that incredible connection at the swing club I get crickets from my nearest and dearest.  And I know I would get blocked or unfriended on facebook for sharing that the best start to the morning is a quickie before work, and I am speaking from direct experience ;).

Now interestingly enough, if I posted that same status on an anonymous forum like twitter, I would get likes and retweets for days.  A stranger can appreciate the sexiness, but friends and family cannot.  Why does this happen?  I suppose one parallel could be when we unfollow people who constantly update about their fitness journey, or Instagram every meal they eat.  We are just not geared to be supportive of peoples braggadocio behavior.  We cringe at anything in excess.  So therefor no one wants to see constant updates about orgasm after orgasm.  There is a very thick line in the sand in regards to sex and daily interaction with your peers.  It is not something to publicly discuss with your friends, period.

There is a nearly 80 study at Harvard that directly links overall happiness to your sense of community, and the line that is key to my point is this, “Researchers also found that those with strong social support experienced less mental deterioration as they aged.”  So here is the crux of my post, if sexual relationships are important to you, but you cannot talk about them with any of your peers, are we actually doing a disservice to our long term mental health and fitness?  Yes I am aware that I have used the term bragging and not just status updates, but aren’t those the most memorable points in our lives that go on social media?  We celebrate engagement, educational triumphs, births, and parties.  But we do not talk about sex publicly.  We do not celebrate threesomes, or orgasms or loss of virginity.  Speaking of, does anyone else remember that Clone High Episode where a congrats card is sent when one of the guys loses his virginity on prom night?  Funny in a cartoon, but oh the horror and social outrage in real life.

I believe that my sex life is key to my overall happiness.  While studies show that a strong sense of community is the most important factor in a person's overall happiness level.  And yet we live in social constraints where these two aspects of life must stay far, far away from each other.  Is this reasonable?  Is this necessary?  Would talking publicly about sexual health, appetite, kinks or preferences make you a happier person?  Do you seek information about sex on the internet or find support groups and counseling to facilitate a safe place to discuss socially taboo topics?  Does sex have to remain in the world of the internet or books or simply within your partnership?

We are human, and curious about sex, sometimes even about the sex lives of our friends.  But we are not willing to admit that to each other.  And yes we all are, every single one of us at one time or another.   And don't try to tell me that when you hear on the news a report on the latest sexual study that you are above comparing yourself to it; for example a certain study about average sexual encounters per week for married couples.  Hell, reading this blog is a perfect example of human curiosity.  But I highly doubt any of you discuss the contents openly with one another.

We have restrictions on what good behavior or socially tolerated subjects are.  And although it is unlikely to change in future, I personally think it is important to give thought to why that is.  And perhaps ask yourself if your sex life or overall well being would be positively or even negatively affected by being able to openly talk about sex?  Just some food for thought, some societal foreplay if you will...


4 comments:

  1. I love your openness. It bothers me to no end that tit pictures and 'almost' dick pics are totally acceptable and the norm on platforms like instagram and Facebook, yet consenting adults in a lifestyle they have wholly embraced feel uncomfortable or shamed to show their love/relationships online. Your life is beautiful, for you, and my life is beautiful for me. Your photos are tasteful, and show the beautiful woman you have become.

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    1. Your kindness and support over the years have been a tremendous source of strength for me. Thank you for your acceptance and openness, while understanding my journey and embracing all our differences. You did not have to support me all these years, but you selflessly have and I appreciate it. The world would be a more interesting place with thoughtful people like you and the family you are raising.

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  2. As a guy, I don't have a lot of buddies I'm comfortable talking about sex with and I get the impression that's fairly common. Personally, I worry that bragging will just make others feel worse if their sex lives suck (though ironically that never stops folks from posting fancy vacation pics on Facebook, etc.).

    One funny story though... A couple years ago, my wife and her friends had a girls day out and at one point they had everybody say how many orgasms they had had in the past week, and the highest number would get a prize. Well it just so happened that there was this stupid "300 sandwiches" blog post going around at that time, and in response I had told my wife I would give her 300 orgasms (we literally kept track every day to see how long it would take us). So my wife's number turned out to be more than everybody else's combined! I never did tell anybody else about the 300 orgasm challenge (for a lot of the reasons you discussed above) even though I really wanted to, but I was glad that at least a handful of our friends got to learn of the results. :-)

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    1. That is awesome! I think girl's night are the exception to the rule for discussing sex, but it is mostly because the booze is flowing so we all loosen up a bit and talk about those taboo subjects. I cannot speak for guys night, although I suspect it's more of break from women and being on good societal behavior more than sex talk.

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